we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize