he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
