you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
