I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
