How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
