ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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