I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
