alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
