I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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