I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
