You can't motorboat a personality
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
