So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
