I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
