Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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