And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
