It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize