wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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