i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
