we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
