oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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