Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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