maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
