You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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