forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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