i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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