You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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