Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
