I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize