apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize