Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
