Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
