Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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