Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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