I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
