There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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