PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
