in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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