you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize