Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
