Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
