Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
