I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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