he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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