my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
