are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
