He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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