I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
