I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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