My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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