Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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