God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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