Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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