i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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