Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
