Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
