ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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