whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
