Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
