erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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