you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
