everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
