her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
