Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
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Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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