I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
