He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
