There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
