I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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