I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
