Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
