she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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