Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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