PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
