Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
