hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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