just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
