and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
