I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
