Soap is not a condiment
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
