At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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