when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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