i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
